Thoughts

Livestrong

For the last two or three days I’ve wanted to write a blog about lots of different thoughts I’ve been having. But I sit here and can’t think of anything…maybe if I just type it’ll come to me.

New Years was pretty good, although it did not feel like New Years. I did kiss four or five people. Yes, I say people because my friend (girl) ambushed me.  Heck, I kissed a guy just because he brought me water. With a lemon! Fancy. hehe, it wasn’t making out, just fun kisses. I think this year is going to be better. I felt opportunity and possiblity and motivation……

…….for a total of about half a day. For some reason I don’t feel very motivated. I should; I had three days to clean my room, organize, work on art…and I pretty much just slept because I feel like I had the energy to even make the effort to read. Sad.

Well, I need to change that. I’ve been trying pretty much non-stop to find a second job, even going back to old jobs I said I’d never got back to.

I’m not sleeping well..haven’t been for awhile. I think I’m stressed even though I don’t think about things that bother me, consciencly. Money is a big one, I need money for Japan, I need money for meds/bunny food/essentials, to save, etc. I want to go out and have fun, but once a week is really all I can do, and I always feel bad when friends say it’s only $10 or $25. That is alot. It adds up. Stop pushing me, I’ll do what I can. I’m not avoiding anyone, it’s not that I don’t want to hang out, I financially cannot do it! Frustrating, let me tell you. I’m really trying to be financially smart. But even that is really not helping. Cause I’m not making enough.

I’m stuck in a dead-end job and it’s rough. I don’t want to be an assistant forever. There is no where for me to move forward in this job. I will be there for another year, maybe, but not much longer. I need to find out what I’m going to do after this year. Vet school for equine, Vet tech (probably not), or Masters – animal behavior.

It would be nice to move to move to the Carolinas for a year or two. It would be nice to visit out west. It would be nice ot have a goal.

I guess money’s the biggest thing. I knew I’d never make a lot of it, that’s okay. But I need to at least survive, and I can’t with this job, not on my own.

I really want to work more on art. To do more with my days. To do more things, see more people, accept more challenges. But how long will my motivation last this time? Will it last til tomorrow.

I need to buy new shoes for work and for the gym….that’s at least $100 right there. Cause I need to buy good shoes. I’m at home right now, 7pm on a Sat nigt because my feet hurt, my head hurts, hell, my whole body hurts. All I want to do is stay in my pjs, work on my art, and stop hurting.

Another reason I want a job, it will force me to be more productive with my time. Instead of wasting days, I will at least make some money.

Okay, I’m done now. I’m watching DejaVu with Denzel Washington in it. I’ve soaked my feet and mom my feed me (one good thing about living at home). On the next commercial break I’m going to go get my inspiration book and add a few more pages. Or maybe I’ll plan some of the Japan trip. I also have a travel journal, maybe I can work on that.

I have things to work for and to look forward to. Sometimes, for whatever reason, I forget, or am overwhelmed with the negative of life. Usually, I just sleep. Then the next time I wake up, I notice something positive.

Things I have been thankful for since Wed:

*my family*snow*postcards*my art magazine that comes in the mail*puppies*my very comfy bed*the fireplace*hot showers*friendship*coffee (that one was important the last few days, so it’s mentioned twice)*nice cats*helpful coworkers*time well spent*a full nights slept, without waking up*the smell of a Christmas tree*time to paint my nails, any color I want*my new makeup*possiblities*Japan trip*

I think that’s enough. Sorry for the long post….if you made it this far, I’m impressed since I didn’t really make this readable. It’s just a train of thought.

Choo-Choo!