Just a quick little blurb….. December 30, 2010

I need to get these thoughts out of my head because they are obviously bothering me. I don’t need these weighing me down, I have other things to think about.

 

1. I feel like my sisters don’t respect me.

I know we are different and we’re never going to be really close, but I feel like they don’t respect me and that’s a whole nother issue. I feel like I annoy them and if they didn’t have to, they wouldn’t spend time with me. They make comments like ‘don’t you know anything’ and ‘i’m kind of booked for the rest of the time I’m here’ (in reference to hanging out). It hurts. I don’t like it.

 

2. Why am I so easily erasable?

This is the one that’s bothering me the most. I don’t understand why I’m so easy to just drop. To complete eliminate me from their lives. I’m mostly talking about Ken. He’s been brought up a lot in convo, I can’t seem to get away from him. I’m also talking about Mike who apparently does not want to stay in contact at all. He never called me back from three weeks ago. He did call me on Christmas and two days later…but it was one of those, I don’t know I’m calling and I’ll leave a voice message with background noise. When I messaged him on Christmas to see if he meant to call me, he said no, it was a mistake. That hurt. I erased his number. I don’t need to try and keep a friendship going when there obviously isn’t anything. But, I just don’t understand how people can just erase me. This is what I’ve been dreaming about mostly. Things like mike and ken are hanging out with my family having fun but I’m not allowed in the group, they all do things without me, and they won’t talk to me. It’s maddening.

It shouldn’t bother me. It’s stupid. I know this. I have important people to me who care about me. meh….not much more to say about that, i just hurt.emotional hurt sucks. At least if it’s physical i can just take a pill or something.

 

3. No job, but bills continue to come in.

Very stressful, enough said.

 

4. Am I really doing the right thing by going back to school.

Am I really going to like biology? Am I just going into that field because it makes sense? What if I’m never meant to be more then an office worker somewhere? What if I’m okay with that? What if I’m just detouring again? What if I never find something I enjoy doing?

 

I’m feeling very antisocial and stressed right now. It’s weighing on me, I can tell because I don’t feel good. I don’t think I’m doing anything for new years. That kind of sucks too.

Forrest Solis December 5, 2010

This artist was featured in my ‘Art Collector’ magazine this month and it really intrigued me. I really like who she compared the modern woman to the older idea of a woman.

 

 

 

 

Ash, I thought you would be as intrigued by this as I am. If you’re interested in seeing some of her other painting go to: http://www.forrestsolis.com/

Click on ‘Story Time’ for more paintings like this. I don’t even have my favorite ones posted here. It’s really amazing the idea of what a woman was and what it is now.

Summary of the Month – Nov 2010 December 2, 2010

Meet PineApple!

I can’t believe I’m writing a summary already!

 

Summary!

Days Total-30

Days I worked out – I’m not working out right now so much as dancing every chance I get.

Days I worked on Art – I did a few little projects and some more stained glass. No drawing though. I really do want to get back to doing that. I used to be pretty good.

Things I accomplished/Things worth mentioning: Salsa Dancing! I must look confident and pretty  because guys are starting to notice and ask me out again. It’s nice, but I don’t know how I feel about dating right now. I got the cartilage in my ear pierced. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for awhile now since the first attempt failed. It’s doing well, and I really like it. I did it as a sister thing when I went down to Cbus so that made it even more special.  I got my first cavity of my life filled. Now I understand why people hate the dentist. I got to see a bunch of my friends and the holiday was absolutely wonderful. I feel like I really have my priorities in order and I”m excited for life for the first time in a very long time. I’m happy.

And…….

My Room Is CLEAN!!!!

Yes, it is still cluttered, but I am a stuff kind of person. I really did give away a lot of stuff. So I’m pretty proud of myself. And anyone who has seen my room over the last two years will realize what a miracle this is. I’m very excited about my little craft space I was able to make with the table in the center of my room. I really do enjoy being in my room now. I did not realize how much of a stresser it was before. Come visit, it still looks nice! 🙂

Things I would like to accomplish for next month: Find another job since I am resigning from mine to go to school. Get Christmas shopping done. I”m usually done by this time, but this year I slacked. Dance more. Work on art more. Keep my room clean. And have fun!