Just a quick little blurb….. December 30, 2010

I need to get these thoughts out of my head because they are obviously bothering me. I don’t need these weighing me down, I have other things to think about.

 

1. I feel like my sisters don’t respect me.

I know we are different and we’re never going to be really close, but I feel like they don’t respect me and that’s a whole nother issue. I feel like I annoy them and if they didn’t have to, they wouldn’t spend time with me. They make comments like ‘don’t you know anything’ and ‘i’m kind of booked for the rest of the time I’m here’ (in reference to hanging out). It hurts. I don’t like it.

 

2. Why am I so easily erasable?

This is the one that’s bothering me the most. I don’t understand why I’m so easy to just drop. To complete eliminate me from their lives. I’m mostly talking about Ken. He’s been brought up a lot in convo, I can’t seem to get away from him. I’m also talking about Mike who apparently does not want to stay in contact at all. He never called me back from three weeks ago. He did call me on Christmas and two days later…but it was one of those, I don’t know I’m calling and I’ll leave a voice message with background noise. When I messaged him on Christmas to see if he meant to call me, he said no, it was a mistake. That hurt. I erased his number. I don’t need to try and keep a friendship going when there obviously isn’t anything. But, I just don’t understand how people can just erase me. This is what I’ve been dreaming about mostly. Things like mike and ken are hanging out with my family having fun but I’m not allowed in the group, they all do things without me, and they won’t talk to me. It’s maddening.

It shouldn’t bother me. It’s stupid. I know this. I have important people to me who care about me. meh….not much more to say about that, i just hurt.emotional hurt sucks. At least if it’s physical i can just take a pill or something.

 

3. No job, but bills continue to come in.

Very stressful, enough said.

 

4. Am I really doing the right thing by going back to school.

Am I really going to like biology? Am I just going into that field because it makes sense? What if I’m never meant to be more then an office worker somewhere? What if I’m okay with that? What if I’m just detouring again? What if I never find something I enjoy doing?

 

I’m feeling very antisocial and stressed right now. It’s weighing on me, I can tell because I don’t feel good. I don’t think I’m doing anything for new years. That kind of sucks too.

Daily Picture – 12 July 9, 2010

7-9-10

Bunny Honey

This is my bunny Nala enjoying some food, although she stopped eating because she was curious about the camera.

I like this picture because if you look at the deer’s face it looks like she’s saying ‘OH!!’, like she’s surprised.  In fact I can’t look at this picture now without it looking like she has her ‘mouth’ open in surprise.

Just fyi, yesterday was definitely one of the worst days in the history of the world ever. But! I got through it. I moped and pouted and slept. Today was better. Not good, but better. In an effort to make me feel better I’m being lame and listing good things from the last 48 hours:

A friendly cockatiel; small friendly kittens; the sound of a kitten purr; a 150lb great dane named Apollo and cleaning his teeth (it was calming, quiet, and he’s got sparkly pearly whites now); cat nap at work; fun clients; coffee; xrays turning out well; getting labwork done and organized; getting a paycheck (with bonus); a hot shower; not getting a major injury; my comfy bed; a good book; homecooked meal (japanese curry, jasmine rice, chicken, onions, and potatoes); air conditioning.

Ha…I was able to think of more bad things that happened and stress-related things then I was good things….but at least I have a nice list of good things. We’ll ignore the bad/stressful things for now and go to bed. Good Night.

Daily Picture – 4 June 24, 2010

6-24-10

O-H-I-O

The ‘I’ broke.  Birthday gift from my dad.

I kind of felt like this today. I girl without an identity. Someone people don’t know, don’t invite to things, don’t remember. It shouldn’t bother me, but it does. Especially at work. My coworkers all hang out outside of work. I’m not invited. No, I don’t want to go downtown and get drunk, but it would be nice to be invited. They have celebrated everyone’s birthday at work so far. Mine came and went, no cake like everyone else got, not even a general ‘happy birthday’. It sucked. I like who I am. But at moments like this, I wish I was more to people, not just ‘that girl behind the camera’.

I got my shoes I’m going to wear for my sister’s wedding. She said I had to get silver. I got sparkly glitter ones because I don’t have any shoes like that. I’m also excited that it’s little heals so I can wear them all day long. Now I just have to go get my dress fitted. Btw, I feel fat. But I blame that on the crappy day.

My seedlings are sprouting. 🙂

Bad Euthanasia November 17, 2009

I know I usually put up pictures that I take, but I really like this one and I needed a smile. I’m feeling pretty beat up right now.

Work started out alright. Rockette, the kitten I’ve currently taken under my wing at work, is doing much better, although he leg is officially broken and we need to splint it. Poor girl, but the bite wounds are healing up pretty well. During my lunch I held her in my lap while I read. Ever once in a while I would be overcome with cuteness and ‘bonk’ her nose. Sound effect included of course. Well I closed my eyes because I was tired and suddenly I feel a quick little fuzzy ‘bonk’ on my nose. I open my eyes and look down at Rockette, she’s got her paw in the air looking at me with the unmistakeable gleam of mischief. It pretty much made my day. She continued to do that whenever I closed my eyes for more then a few moments.

Well after lunch it just went downhill from there. The worst part was a euthanasia we had. First of all the owners were kind of mean, but I can understand that because it really is a rough thing to go through. Well, normally they go very quickly and quietly. Not this little guy. No No. For some reason the anesthetic didn’t go all the way in his vain and he started flipping out. Not cause it was painful, he didn’t feel a thing, more like he was a confused drunk.

So he was thrashing and yelping this high pitched awful yelp like we were stabbing him. Once again…HE FELT NO PAIN….he was just scared. So the Dr. ran out to get more anesthetic and I’m in the room with the hystarical dog, who is evem more hystarical because the owner is sobbing and yelling at me “He’s in pain! Do something! Oh My God!’….so on and so forth. Well, after was seems like forever, the Dr comes back in and gives him the second dose of anesthesia and the dog goes really quickly and quietly.

As soon as I could I walked outta that room and burst into tears, I could not help it. Because even though I knew that dog was not in pain, he sounded like it, and it sounded awful. And then right when I got control, someone would come up and ask if I was okay, which would start me crying again. Of course I’m not okay!

So that was really awful. And I feel lonely and beat up and just kinda down. I’m drinking some wine and just waiting for a decent time to go to bed. One more day. I know everyday matters, but I hope tomorrow goes quickly. I need to get outta that place for a while.

Childish Memories and Weekend Update November 10, 2009

So I was just bapping around in my basement trying to find a good pen holder for my desk and I came across the silliest things. It’s amazing what the child in me cherishes. I found a powerpuff girl ring, some plastic frogs, pieces of paper, a shark tooth, crumpled pictures, scripts from plays I was in, beads, a penny bank, and many more things that made me smile when I found them.

I didn’t find a nifty pen  holder – which reminds me – if anyone has any ‘Republic of Tea’ tea tins I would love them!! They make excellent paintbrush and pen holders. Plus they look neat!

 

So this weekend I went to go visit some friends in Indianapolis. It wasn’t the best weekend, I kind of felt unappreciated and more in the way then anything. I wish they would have told me this was a bad weekend to come, or they just wanted a weekend to themselves…cause it was like pulling teeth trying to get them to do anything. I did however get them to go to the Indianapolis Museum of Art (IMA) and it was wonderful!! We didn’t see it all because we didn’t have time, but it was very cool. I would definitely go back!

I got yelled at a surprising amout really. First I wasn’t allowed to wear my purse on my back, they had to see it I guess….then I couldn’t take a picture with a flash, then on a certain floor I couldn’t take pictures at all…and I got yelled at for something else, but I don’t remember what it was for. I was a museum rebel apparently.

This was one of my illegal pictures. It was a very cool installation that was supposed to represent China I think. All these little plastic people held up the plexi-glass floor. It looked really cool.

This is the famous LOVE! I was super touristy and definitely took a picture of it! If you want to see more pictures from IMA go here:

http://picasaweb.google.com/Michaela.Stiber/IMA

So I ended up leaving on Sunday because I felt like I was bothering the boys. Monday wasn’t anything special, Tuesday was great though cause Ashley came to visit me! We went to Coventry Street, ate at a vegan/organic restuarant, went to hippie stores, and found a really cool bookstore. Then we went to the Museum of Natural History! It was even better then I remembered it. We didn’t see it all, but we saw a lot. We also watched a Planitarium show. After she left I got some art stuff done and now I’m on a mission to post those on my art blog – go check it out!

On a very small note Ken finally called me. He said he realized it had been over a year since we talked and that it was time to stop being mad. He wants to be friends. I have decided that I do not want to be friends. I finally have the opportunity to know why he was mad, and I don’t wanna know. If I find out it will just hurt me, and he is done hurting me. He never said I’m sorry. Which, maybe if he had I would react differently. But he didn’t. So, I’m done. I worked to hard to cut him out of my life to let him back in. I think this was brought on more by the fact that he’s going to be deployed after Christmas, more then the fact that he wanted to talk to me.

Either way, it doesn’t matter.

Happy Toast August 31, 2009

I know I said I would only put up pictures I had taken, but I had a super crappy weekend. I needed something to cheer me up, so I typed in ‘happy background’ in google and this is what came up. I have it as my background, tiled, and it really does make me smile everytime I see it. I had to share.

So I met a guy I kind of like and we’ll see how that goes.

I brought home a kitten to take care of because he needed constant care over the weekend. His name was Lucas, but I called him Puffer because he had a puffy face. I feel in love the second I got him home, but unfortunately we had to euthanize him Sunday morning. I couldn’t save him and I cried the whole morning. I had stayed up all night taking care of this kitten and watching animal planet. So I pretty much slept all day.

Since Dan was in town I called him to come get ice cream with me to cheer me up. Unfortunately, it just made me feel worse because we got in a snit. I said something that made Dan snap at me. Dan has never snapped at me, or anyone as far as I know in the nine years I’ve known him. I was so shocked I basically burst into tears immediately. I decided not to get ice cream with him.

I’m two weeks behind on three art swaps, soon to be four. I haven’t worked out or worked on art since I went down to Cinci for the weekend.

On that note, I had an absolutely wonderful time in Cinci. I’m so glad I went. We ate AMAZING food the whole weekend, we got to relax, we dressed up and went out. I love my girls. I also got to see my friend Justin who I haven’t seen for awhile and I got back in touch with my friend Dave.

So I know my post sounds kind of negative right now, but really, life is good, even if it knocks me down once in awhile. I really have a lot of good things going for me. I just need to get back on my path, especially with art and working out.

I did join a band. I’m looking forward to that. There’s also an online art journaling class I’m thinking about joining.